Bring Your Sorrows and Trade Them for Joy

I've been looking forward to this all week. Finally being able to release this amazing woman's story. I told myself when Emily and I started this project that we wouldn't interview family... because I mean we'd totally be bias to that persons story, but I had one exception and this one is the one. I knew too much of this amazing ladies story to just pass it up and I got to grow deeper in my relationship with this family member. She is not family by blood but my marriage and I'm very thankful to have an amazing blood family and amazing in laws. Emily and I traveled 10 and a half hours for this story so I hope you enjoy. This woman has such a genuine, kind spirit and such love for the lord. She also can be a firecracker and tell you how it is, which I admire about her. She's amazing inside and out... and here's her story.

Her name is Jeanie Herndon.

Emily and I couldn't wait to take this trip to visit my husband's maternal grandmother (as he calls her nanaw, all the other grands call her nana). I mean, Emily and I didn't mind making the drive because they live in this beautiful beach city called Boca Raton... and oh is it so beautiful. When Emily and I arrive, poor Jeanie and her husband, Larry, have had quite the week. They just got back from Israel and had some medical stuff happen there. Upon arriving home, they both got sick and were finally getting better until Jeanie got sick again right upon our arrival. These two were such troopers to still have us around and only caring about if our needs were met... they're just too kind. But despite all that we were able to enjoy a day with Jeanie. We started by taking a nice/rainy walk to get some baked goods from the local bakery that morning, then we decided to go shopping at the high class Boca mall (definitely out of place by the Gucci store). As we slowly concluded our day we decided to sit down by the pool and start having our conversation. I was personally bias to this part because I just couldn't wait to hear what all Jeanie had to say.

We started the conversation how I start every single one of them but talking a little bit about themselves. I asked her to tell me what she wants all you lovely readers to know and this is what she said, “You know, I was thinking while I was in the bathroom while getting ready, what I want people to know most about me is My Family. That’s who I believe makes me up except for my relationship with Christ. My marriage... if my children were to experience the marriage that I’ve had, I’m also married to a man where there’s none like him because he’s patient and kind and selfless. That’s why we have the marriage we have which is rare. I’m happiest when I know that my children are happy and my greatest desire for my children and grandchildren is that their first desire in life is serving the Lord with all their heart because then happiness in inevitable. I know when that’s in order, that they can handle anything in life. So that is my greatest desire.” She goes on to talk about a dream that she had before she left for Israel and she describes a scene where she is walking over rocks (which she didn’t realize was in Israel until she went a few days later that this was the scene in her dream) and she grabbed for something and it broke, which caused her to fall. She then realizes that she is no longer alive. She remembers shouting so excited because all she wanted to know was where Jesus was. She then remembered looking over people gathering in a building and she realized she was looking over her funeral. She recalls only being concerned with what her children were going to say about her. At this point Jeanie started to get a little emotional just thinking about how much she wanted her children to speak well of her. In this moment, we got to see a mom just truly desire her children to see the love she has poured over them over the years. It truly is who she is.

We went on to talk about some of the things that she struggles with. She mentioned that she really struggled with who she was for a really long time. She struggled with truly understanding her worth and never feeling good enough, even though she knew that her parents loved her. She let those lies consume her, that she was never good enough or truly loved. This lead her to strive to be the perfect child. She was never disobedient and her goal was to please everybody. She still struggles with that today, because she is always saying yes to people even when she doesn't need to, even with her children. She sees that as a fault even today. She goes on to talk about how deep this struggle was that she had a fear that people would leave her if they knew who she really was. She recalls a time back in high school where she was in the 9th grade and got diagnosed with tuberculosis. She remembers having to stay at home with her mom and listen to school through an intercom. She states, “it had some emotional feelings for me, that I wasn't worthy of that stuff. I never felt beautiful. I always lived with that fear that there was something wrong with me. I know now that all of those fears were just lies, and I know that now as an adult. I carried all of this stuff going on inside of me all the way through my childhood, teenage years, and some of college.” She describes going to college and how it was a new experience for her, she really got to discover who she was. She started to make friends, which to this day she talks about how she doesn’t understand why people want to be friends with her. She knows that’s just the enemy talking but it’s something that she still struggles with to this day. And honestly, all of you reading can realize that she is an amazing human being, so of course we all want to be Jeanie’s friend.

We move on to talk about her meeting the love of her life, Larry Joe Herndon… and y’all please just prepare yourselves because they are just perfect. Their marriage is beautiful and something that I desire for all young married people to see but let me share their little love story with you all. Jeanie states, “I met Larry and how did I get so lucky. It was another one of those things ‘why me?’ I mean look at what I got (she begins to tear up)… but he loved me. We started dating more and more and we got serious. I remember his girlfriends from high school, like his family friends, that are still in his life today. I had two of them approach me and they said, ‘he’s not going to marry you. He’s never dated anybody long term.” So that Christmas I came back with an engagement ring. That was the proudest I have ever been because I had him and no one else could. Because of the things I struggled with, our first couple years of marriage were really hard. I lived in lots of fear that he would leave me too. I was always wondering if he was going to leave me and how would I survive if he left me because I didn’t finish school because I helped put him through school.”

I asked Jeanie to give some advice to all the young couples out there or anyone who is married or wanting to get married. Here’s what she had to say, “You know, if there was a black and white answer, that would be great, but there’s not. You bring two families two together, how you were raised, how you think, completely separate ideas. First and for most though, unless a couple are equally yoked spiritually, you’ll never make it if not. Also, there’s much give and take, it can’t be 100% on one person. You have to be equals, and I don’t see that a lot nowadays. So many times I see husbands or wives dominate. You have to see each other as equals, one not better than the other. It won’t work if you don’t see each other as equals. If you are equals and you respect each other as equal then you can get through anything. You may be more skilled in certain things but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t equal with each other.” Her advise is so good especially to me as I am someone who is recently married. Larry and her really do have such a great marriage and should probably write book about their marriage and their advice. What makes their marriage so beautiful is that they love and respect each other equally and they are so vulnerable with their relationship. They know they aren’t perfect but they love each other dearly despite their imperfections and their messiness.

She goes on to talk about life in ministry and the life of being a mom. She was still battling with all those early struggle and then added a new struggle after having kids, the struggle with her weight… I’m sure there’s some mamas out there that know what this is like. She felt this struggle to be perfect even with her body because her husband was so handsome and women were always loving on him… in a church way but it still became a threat to her. She recalls beginning a new struggle just from watching a simple t.v. show about girls throwing up to lose weight, and this started her struggle with an eating disorder. She struggled with bulimia for 27 years and no one knew it until 17 years into it because she started to have some severe issues. She talks about her battle and how now she looks back and can see what impact it had on her children and she doesn’t take all the blame because she knows the enemy can use anything but she saw how her words about herself had an effect on her own daughter. We see this happen a lot as women that we don’t realize how our words and our own thoughts about ourselves can shape the little ladies around us. She continues to discuss her struggle with her eating disorder and how she would ask God to not let her purge again, but she describes herself as being an addict to it. She describes, “It gave me an euphoric feeling, almost like a punishment, almost as though I deserved it. Then the rush of guilt and shame came afterwards.” She recalls one random day that she remembers praying to God, telling him she didn’t want to live that way anymore. She remembers the feeling of her addiction acting as a hook in the back of her side, so deep and this day she decided to cut the the hook loose from her side. She describes that it didn’t happen right away but she gradually got better. She states that she has been free from this for about 25 to 30 years. She truly desires to leave a legacy to her children and grandchildren that there is freedom.

She really does love her family so much and describes this time in her life as some of the best times of her life. She knows that she didn’t always make the best choices as a young mom and is taking this time to make up for that, and she is one of the best moms and nana on the planet, I can attest to that.

As we closed I asked her a few questions just because I know she has so much wisdom to give to other women. I asked her how she would define beauty and if she found herself beautiful. This is what she had to say, “Some of the ugliest people I have ever seen are the most beautiful people I have ever seen. What I mean by that, is that their beauty proceeds them physically, but then what comes out of them follows. Beauty are feature, some have it, some don’t. For me, beauty is a feature that come out of them. How they love others or the way they treat others or the way they look at others. Beauty is a feature on the outside but beauty really is what the heart looks like.” As far as if she finds herself beautiful, she does. (which I mean look at her and read her words… beauty written all over it). She really likes where she is and she is happy with herself. Lastly I asked her to give some advice to the young women out in the world and she answered, “I know that we are pulled so much by the things of the world that we think are going to bring a certain result, and that’s not true. You do everything that you are suppose to do if you feel God leading you and he will take care of the rest of it. He won’t lead you to the wrong thing. Another thing would be to go through God’s word on a daily basis, not just reading your bible in the morning but to truly learn how to listen to God, and journaling those things each day. There’s so many books and so much advice out there and so many opinions, but God is the only one that’s going to give you the right answer. Learn how to journal, learn how to listen to God through his word, and ask him for direction. It may not be how you want it, but it will be in His time. That’s all you need to know because the rest would just be my opinion and people’s opinions are gone tomorrow.”

Y’all just let all of that wisdom sink in. I know I’m bias to this wonderful lady but she truly has a way to speak into the lives of others. We can’t thank Jeanie enough for allowing us to come stay with her and her husband last week.

Jeanie you are truly an amazing woman and thank you for telling your story to the world. Also a special thanks to my partner in all this, Emily, for amazing company as well as taking this awesome photos. We would love to hear your thoughts on this story and please continue to share with your friends. If you don’t follow us on Instagram, please do at herstorybham. We would love for you to watch our journey this year and can’t wait for the next stories to come.