A Story of Redemption and Triumph

Welcome back to Her Story. It’s finally starting to feel like that Spring weather that we all know and love, so I hope you all survived the cold fronts that we thought would never leave. Emily and I are so excited to release this months story, as this women has amazingness written all over her. I have the privilege of leading worship with this beautiful lady and my favorite thing about her is her contagious spirit. She loves the Lord so much and has a sweet soul that is evident every time you talk to her. And y’all, you will see this in her picture, but she is also drop dead gorgeous. That’s what Emily said the first time she met her. So enough about our thoughts about her, it’s time for you all to see what we are talking about.

Her name is Phaye Wilson

We decided to meet Phaye at a place that she really feels at home, Christ City Church (the church Phaye and I attend). I was so eager to learn more about this lady and we just couldn’t wait but to start our conversation. As we always do, we asked Phaye to tell us a little bit about herself, and boy does she have a story to tell y’all. She said, “My name is Phaye Wilson. I’m married and we have 4 boys. I am also a grandmother, I have a grandson. We also have a dog. I’ve been in Birmingham pretty much my entire life. I grew up in a community called Smithfield. I was raised primarily by my grandmother, my great grandmother and my mom. My mom worked two jobs and was in nursing school when she had me. I was surrounded by strong independent women; my mom, grandmother, my great grandmother and my aunts. As you can imagine, it was hard for me to transition to an “all boy” household. I wanted to believe I had more of a sense of independence, but as I share more of my story, I was not as independent as I thought.”

Phaye begins to tell us how her life began and the trials that came along with her childhood and teenage years. Phaye explained to us that her mom was a single mother. Her dad wasn’t in the picture. Her dad was engaged to another women at the time in which he and her mom met. In spite of their pregnancy, he decided to marry his fiancé which is now still his current wife. Phaye explained that growing up without her dad in the picture, made her have a lot of self-doubt and very little self worth. She said that she put a lot of her self worth in the fact that her dad wasn’t present in her life. She goes on though to explain that her grandmother and great grandmother were amazing and did the best they could to provide a happy childhood. It was as though Phaye could see those good memories right in front of her. Although her childhood was filled with moments of joy, she was really struggling internally with her father's absence in her life. Phaye then fast forward to her teenage years and here is what she had to say, “I was really searching for something. Back then, I never correlated it with the absence of my father, but I knew I was always searching for something. I remember being in High school and not feeling accepted, which is weird because I was involved in so many different things. On the outside I looked like I had it all together, but on the inside I was falling apart. It really put my in some bad places. When I was 15, I found myself in a really dark place and attempted suicide. My 15th year was a really hard year for me. By the time I was 15, I was really dealing with abandonment issues. During this time, I was carrying a secret. I had been raped when I was in the 10th grade. It wasn't a case of me being promiscuous. I simply put myself in a position in which I was entrapped and my vulnerability was exploited. For years, I felt like it was my fault because I skipped school and I put myself there. I think that experience filled me with self doubt. I found myself thinking very little of myself, which led me to think it would be easier for the those in my life, if I wasn’t around. I took a bottle of pills and just let them absorb. It was truly a cry for help. My mom made phone calls to doctors, and for the first time I went to therapy. I left out of therapy with a sense of confidence that I never had before but I was still missing something. Soon after, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to change schools. We thought that it would be good for me to have a fresh start so I moved in with my aunt and uncle. They were like the image of what family should be. I would go on trips with them and they had the really cool house and cars. They were just that beautiful family. With the new home, I now was zoned for a different school. It was a culture shock for me going from a private catholic school to now going to a public county school. I describe those years as the worst years of my life. I was bullied relentlessly. Everyone had joined their own click and I was just different and I felt different. I really didn’t have any friends. Through it all, I still did activities like piano and ballet, I started doing pageants. I think those around me thought those activities would be my saving grace. I just felt like a zombie, like I was going through this routine and not really experiencing life.”

High school for Phaye had its highs and low’s She describes her lowest points as her molestation by someone she trusted. She never thought this particular person would take advantage her. This experience left her confused and feeling somewhat used up. She ultimately slipped back into feeling worthless. Not knowing how to process what was happening, she would often lash out at those who were closest to her.

As time went on, Phaye admits that she had very little self-esteem. She was careless and thought very little of her actions and consequences. She said, “If could talk to my 16 year old self, I would say, You are worth so much more than what you thought you were.” Phaye now knows the purpose of her experiences.

She reminds us the she was still searching for something-Someone to fill the void she'd been trying to fill for so long. She thought she found it when she met her husband. They will celebrate 19 years of marriage in May. We wanted how they met and what their relationship looked like at the beginning. She started dating her husband while she was in high school. She went off to college at Alabama A&M and continued dating him. She explained that she always wanted to be around him and she felt that they were so in love and that he hung the moon. She described how she never experienced anything like that, just a true friendship with someone. She explains, “He made me feel like I mattered. I never felt like I mattered before him. I never felt cherished. I never felt adored. We were dating while I was in college and it was hard being away from him. Shortly after I got to college, we got pregnant. I was pregnant the first semester of college. Pregnant teenager in college; I was able to conceal my pregnancy for only 4 months. When you’re a teenager, you think you can just fix things. I scheduled an abortion. I went through the whole in-take process. I was paying for the abortion myself. I had recently been shopping with my grandmother and I still had all the clothes and the receipt. My plan was I was going to take all the clothes back and get the money for it. Everything was lining up for me to be able to do this. The abortion was scheduled. The morning of the abortion, my roommate, who was going to take me to the clinic that morning had something come up with her family and she had to leave. This left me with no transportation. I didn’t have anyone to call. I remembered just sitting there in my dorm room. I always knew of God, but I think it was at that moment for the first time I felt God was trying to tell me something. I didn’t know what it was, but just felt His presence for the first time. I was still not saved but I just felt that there was something bigger than I was. I remember sitting there balling not knowing what to do, feeling sorry for myself, and I just said to God, ‘I don’t think I really wanted to have this abortion. I am stuck here and it’s just be and this baby. If you will help me take care of this baby, I will go through with this pregnancy.’ I remember making all these deals with God and pleading with him. At that point, I was putting my baby in God’s hands. I knew I was going to need some help, and that I couldn’t do it alone. I decided to have the baby. The baby is a boy and he is 19 years old now. When I talk about him I realize, he is truly one of my greatest testimony. Leading up to that moment, I felt like I didn’t have a purpose. Once I had him, it forced me to reevaluate my life. It slowed me down. If I didn’t have him, I don’t know if I would have been alive right now. After we had the baby, we decided that we wanted to get married. We didn’t want our son to grow up in a broken household. We got married in 1999 and we’ve been married ever since. My husband is my best friend. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve him, and I wonder how and why he loves me so much.”

Before we ended with our last question Phaye wanted to make sure that she discussed with us about her salvation. She stated, “Turning my life around, really helped me move forward. A lot of things that have happened to me in my past, and I allowed it to imprison me. It kept me trapped in a place of resentment, anger, disappointment, sadness, and depression. My entire life, I had been searching for something-Something to fill the void that had caused so much turmoil and sadness in much life. May of 2008, I got saved and once I realized who I was in Christ Jesus, once I realized that from the very beginning he has always had a purpose in my life, and once I realized that even the things that have happened to me have had purpose, it helped me realize a new perspective on my life. Once I process the injustice of those terrible things that happened to me, I now get to see the strength that I’ve gained from those experiences. I feel so much stronger than I used to. I’m just glad that Jesus found me in some of the darkness places and met me where I was. That’s what I think is so amazing about our Lord is that we can be in some really messed up places, but He meets us where we are. I’m telling you, giving my life to Jesus, has truly been the best move I have ever made. Point. Blank. Period.”

We ended as we always do, with asking Phaye to define beauty for us and if she finds herself beautiful, which y’all she is drop dead gorgeous as you can tell on the inside and out but here is what she had to say, “I think beauty really doesn’t have anything to do with how you look. I think it has everything to do with how you feel. I can only define beauty for me, I can’t define it for someone else. For me, beauty is peace. It’s satisfaction. It’s joy. It’s self-worth and knowing who you are in Christ. Just realizing there’s a purpose in every moment for your life. That’s how I would define beauty. And of course I find myself beautiful.”

Phaye truly hopes that her story can reflect a story of redemption and triumph. She doesn’t want this to be “woe is me.” She wants you all to know that your circumstances whether good or bad, they’re always temporary. She ask you all to think about what are you going to do with those circumstance?

A special thanks to Phaye, for being so awesome and allowing us a glimpse into her life. She truly is a rockstar and if you have a chance to meet this lady, do yourself a favor and meet her.

As always, thank you to Emily for the great pictures and being an amazing friend to come alongside me and do this little thing that we love to do. Her Story would not be the same without you, Em.

And thank you to all you readers out there. We appreciate your support and love hearing your feedback and love to see you sharing our stories. We truly hope to spread a message of encouragement and empowerment. So we hope these stories encourage you as well as empower you to tell your own story. Every story matters, so share yours. If you don't already, please follow us on Instagram at Herstorybham and Facebook at Her Story. Until next time.