Finding Strength in Pain

Here we are friends, our last post of 2018. Not only our last post for 2018, but our last written post for awhile. If you didn’t hear the news or see it posted, Her Story is transitioning to a podcast. This is a bittersweet moment for us, as we are excited to start this new journey, but we have enjoyed finally getting the hang of this whole blogging thing. Well… enough about us. Let's get to this months story. We were extremely fortunate that this sweet friend of Emily’s would be willing to meet up with us so close to the holidays. This might be our last written story, but this is one you will want to read for many reasons. This months story radiants strength and humility. You will leave reading this encouraged, so let us begin.

Her name is Jackie Kirkes

Upon our arrival, Jackie welcomed us into her beautiful home. I don’t think beautiful even does it justice. Once we got all snug on the couches, we decided to dive deep into conversation. Emily’s friends that we interview are always some of my favorites because I have no clue about who they are, so it’s really conversational and just a get to know you session for me. As you all know by now, we asked Jackie to start off by telling us a little bit about herself. She stated, “I am originally from California. I moved here to Alabama in 2015. I met my husband in 2014. He had two children previously and I had one child previously, so together we have three children now (10,8,7). I am a teacher at the best school in the world, no offense to anyone else. I am very blessed to be in the position that I’m in. Me being where I am at now is solely a God thing. He knew what I needed, and He knew who I needed around me. He provided that for me.” Jackie discussed with us a little more into her background in California before she moved to Alabama. She used to live 45 minutes outside of San Diego… aren’t we all so jealous. BUT she truly loves Alabama and wouldn’t change moving here. She describes her life there before meeting her husband and she honestly was superwoman (and still is), and I'm not exaggerating. She was a single mom getting her bachelors degree, while maintaining all As. She started teaching, and then started her Masters program, which she also ended up making all As in. While she was in school to get her Masters that is when her husband proposed to her, and she ended up blessing all of us and moving to Alabama. She explained how much she loves being here in Alabama, not just because of the Southern hospitality and the way it’s helping influence her kids, but it’s allowed her to grow in her relationship with her step children, which they have a wonderful relationship.

To hear her speak about all her children, it truly is a rare sight to see these days with blended families, so I asked Jackie to give some insight on what all it took to get to this place. She shared, “Being a mom, I get the feeling of your child going to another female because I have had to experience it. I have had to hand over my child to her father’s girlfriend, who I didn’t really like. I just knew that the way she treated me, that wasn’t how you treated someone else. I knew I didn’t want to be like that. The big thing for me for reaching out to my husband’s ex wife and just telling her that I respect her and respect her as their mom, and will always respect her. I explained that I wasn’t trying to replace or refill her shoes, but that I’m just going to try to be another positive role model for the kids. I told her the more she gets to know me, I hope she gets to see my heart. Really our relationship has grown from there. We are not like most blended families, and I’m thankful for that. We are able to put the kids first. My husband’s ex wife and I are the ones who communicate with each other, but we are also friends. That’s something most blended families don’t have. When we go to events for the kids, we don’t sit on opposite sides of the room, we all sit together because we want our kids to look in one direction and see us all. For us, it’s important to keep that unity. My husband’s ex wife and her family have really taken me in and accepted me. We talk about all the time about how blessed we are and we hope we can encourage other blended families to treat each other with respect. Respect for each other, makes things good. It makes it easy and good for the kids as well.”

After discussing her blended family, I asked Jackie to share with us one of the most challenging things she has had to go through. She shared with us that the most challenging things she has faced in her life is her self worth. She realized that she did deserve to be loved, and to be married to a wonderful man, which she is now. She described that it was a hard, long journey to get here, but she’s gotten to that place. She opened up to us about how she was previously in an abusive relationship that always made her feel that she was undeserving. She had to make a turning point where she realized this was not the life she wanted her daughter to live and think she should be treated that way by a man. After she got out of that relationship, she had to go through a couple of years of counseling, which was super beneficial for her. She also mentioned she starting doing some acting, which we had to know what all she got to be a part of, and she has quite the resume. We had no idea we were going to be interviewing an actress. She described that experience as really helping her gain more self confidence because she was booking jobs, and it helped her see she was capable of more. And now she has an amazing husband that helps her see what she has always deserved. I don’t think she could imagine life without him, especially after the year they have been through. Jackie went on to tell us that this has been one of the most difficult years of their lives as they have both lost several family members close to them. Not only that, her husband was diagnosed with cancer this past year. This year they went through the battle of fighting cancer, and going through chemo. Jackie talked to us about how she knows the Lord was using this as an opportunity to reach out to others. They know the Lord put them through all that for a reason. And praise the Lord her husband is now cancer free. She mentioned they are still struggling through all of this past year and they are ready for 2019, but she knows the Lord is guiding them.

Before we wrapped everything up with our last question, we asked Jackie to discuss with us her favorite/most rewarding moment in life. She answered, “The best thing that has ever happened to me is meeting my husband and moving here. We have a complete family now and this is something I have always dreamed of, but I never thought I would have. Also, I have the dream job and the dream house. We truly are blessed.”

We closed out asking Jackie to define beauty and if she finds herself beautiful. She responded, “I think beauty can be defined by multiple people in many different ways. I think first and foremost, I think if you have Jesus in your heart, I think that’s the biggest thing. If you live your life as a Christ Like example, I think your beauty radiates from that. It’s being humble and true and being your best self. It has nothing to do with your outsides. You can have the prettiest person in the world but if they don’t have a pretty heart, I don’t think that’s beautiful. And yes, I do find myself beautiful. I am now the person I have always known I’m capable of being. I am my best self. It’s taken me awhile to get here, but I truly believe the person I am today, is my best self." Y'all, this woman truly radiates beauty from the inside out. She truly blessed us with this conversation and we hope she has encouraged you in some way or another.

Jackie, thank you for allowing us into your home and giving us all insight into deep parts of your life. You are an amazing wife, mom, and friend and we can't thank you enough for being the women you have been called to me. Keep being you, friend.

As always, thank you to my best friend, Emily, for being the best co-creator and picture taker I know. You are the best person God could have given me to help come alongside this project and I know this next year will rock our socks off.

Lastly, thank you to each of YOU. We couldn't do this work without your encouragement and sharing this with your friends. We hope you follow us on Instagram @herstorybham and follow us on Facebook. If you don't subscribe to our email list, go ahead and do so, as we mentioned things are changing and we want you to be in the loop. We look forward to each of you subscribing to our podcast in 2019. Thanks for another wonderful year and here's to new journeys in 2019.